How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How Long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? How long will my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: enlighten my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; lest my enemy say, "I have prevailed against him"; lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But, I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me. - Psalm 13
During the Olympic Games we watched one of the world's greatest Gymnast, Simone Biles, sit out most of the competition. Simone was suffering from a condition that Gymnasts call The Twisties. It's comparable to when a pilot suffers from Spatial Disorientation (SD). Spatial Disorientation is when a pilot can't properly determine the airspeed, altitude or aircraft attitude in relation to the earth. In some cases pilots can be so out of it that they disregard the aircraft's instruments, which results in fatal consequences.
The Twisties are as common to Gymnasts as concussions are to Boxers and NFL Players. The world hadn't seen Simone perform since 2016 and it felt like a universal let down when she stepped back. Simone brought this condition to light and made the wise decision to sit still and evaluate her situation, while seeking proper help.
Like it or not we've all been there. We've all had those moments where we feel like we're outside of ourselves and we can't tell up from down. We've had those moments where it felt like we were wading through thick molasses and confusion was a constant friend. We, like the Psalmist, have all cried out, "How long O Lord?" We've all felt like maybe God will hide His face from us forever.
My season of The Twisties began in 2000 and lasted until 2010. That's right 10 years of asking "How long O Lord?" An entire decade of wondering if God had forgotten me and if He was going to hide His face from me forever - or possibly longer! Ten years of crying, though I think around 2005 I just stopped. I literally felt like I had no more tears to cry. 10 years of wondering if God was considering me at all. More times than I could count I recall asking Him if He cared about me. I asked what I'd done wrong. I was in my forties and had no steady place to stay, I had to rely on my job at a restaurant to eat and the most I had in my bank account at any time was $75. During the last half of 2005 I began my dream job in television and radio. I thought it was finally over. I could breathe a little and then in 2008 the housing market crashed and took the bulk of the global stock market with it. Now, I'm almost 50 and I'm watching my retirement funds just disappear. Everything I'd worked for since I was 14 - GONE. All of my theological training and moral fortitude was being tested at one time and there was NOTHING pleasant about it! My prayer life turned into a staring match with God. I had no more words and His Word started to look like ants on a page. Nothing was making sense, so I sat in the floor for hours saying nothing.
Sitting was probably the best thing I did, that and being quiet. I didn't want to hear what God said to me, but I relented. What choice did I have? Everything I depended upon was gone.
In 2010 I moved back to my hometown, went to school, graduated with a BA in Broadcast Communications and Video Production and landed a job with the city. God had heard me. He was listening but He had to make sure that He was my foundation and nothing else. The Psalmist gives us this same encouragement in verses 5-6. With all that was going wrong in David's life he says that He trusts in God's mercy and that he's going to rejoice and sing because God has dealt bountifully with him.
When I look back over that decade I still see the Twisties and can feel my stomach turning, but more than that I see God's grace. Sure, I moved a lot, but I was never homeless. True, I had to rely on my restaurant job to eat, but that was a five-star restaurant in a trendy Atlanta suburb, and even with the job I have now, I can't afford to eat at that restaurant. God has dealt bountifully with me and for that I rejoice.
May we learn from both Simone Biles and King David that when we find ourselves in the midst of the Twisties to first step back and sit still, then pour out our soul before The Lord and rejoice as we recall how bountifully He has dealt with us.
In Christ,
Storm Knight
Photographers: Mart Production and Andrea Piacquadio
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